I'm mourning so much at one time. Literally grieving, the kind of grief that grips your chest tight, the lump in your throat you force down. As non chalant as my last breath, memories flood my mind constantly. I'm forced to smile and preform, while simultaneously combating intrusive thoughts. I'm mourning the relationship that I poured my life into. The one relationship that I nurtured, because I knew it couldn't fail. The love I thought was real. The man behind it all. As two separate entities, I grieve him as much as what we had. I'm mourning the loss of a family unit - the most painful. I built for my kids what I never had, and it was stolen from me. My most prized possession. Gone, just like that. And I'm left to start over with fragments of who I used to be, and a woman I known nothing about. This new territory is terrifying, this woman I'm getting to know is knit together with beautiful intricacies. I'm mourning the loss of my old self, as I step into the role of this stranger.
Have you ever found yourself in an emotional tornado? Where everything is happening all at once and your world is spinning out of control? Where the only option you have is to stand and watch your entire life circle around you? Banging off the ground – flying in the air. Everything that has ever meant anything to you is free game to the storm. That sounds like the hard part. Oh darling, I wish I could tell you it was. The storm itself is terrifying and damaging. But going through the ruble of what used to be is far, far worse. I would rather stand in the middle of a room and see what I have swarming around me, than to look at the ruins that are leftover. Memories soaked with tears are all that are left. Walk through the ruins of your mind to see that nothing is as it used to be. The tornado was a defining moment in time that everything will be measured by from now on. At some point you have to start picking up the broken pieces of what remains and start to build again. You...
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