Surrender: cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority

I’ve been really focused on surrender lately. I have wracked my brain looking for things to get rid of. I carefully bring each one to the throne in reverence and in blind faith. I have given all I know to give. I have begged God to take these vices from me, to deliver me from the trouble I’ve gotten myself into. I have submitted myself to God’s authority, just as the definition above dictates.

In worship recently, I was just praying, asking God once again to take the vice. Take addictive behaviors. Change my desires– all I want is You Lord. And in my spirit I heard him ask me, “Do you want to be made whole. Do you want to be well?”. My mind instantly went to Jesus asking the paralyzed man at the pool of Bethesda the same thing. Of course! My response was, yes Lord. Whatever it takes. I then found myself praying for healing. Not deliverance, which is what I had been seeking. It hit me, maybe my deliverance will come through healing. Not just bandaged wounds, but soul cleansing healing. Healing from all of the abandonment, loneliness, betrayal. Healing from deep, infected wounds. Maybe, just maybe, the vices are symptoms of something more serious. It’s possible the I’m spiritually septic. So instead of begging for deliverance – I come humbly asking for healing. Willing to work through a lifetime of let downs. I come like the woman with the issue of blood – tired, spent, humiliated….but crawling through the crowd just to touch the hem of his garment. Just a touch, Jesus.

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